Life and Words

Over the last few months I've made several attempts--all ultimately unsuccessful--to start a blog. I always end up tremendously disheartened because nobody reads them and I seem to be the only person in the world who fancies themselves a writer but writes because they want people to read it. All the rulebooks and classes and teachers say you should write for yourself, and only for yourself, and the rest of the world can go fuck itself--clearly I didn't get the memo or was absent from school that day because all I really want is to write things people will read. When no one does it gets depressing and I axe the entire thing for a few months before starting again and repeating the whole process.

It's the end of the year now so I suppose I'm due for another failure.

I changed the title of the blog at least this time. I was going to change the URL, as well, but it seems like the one I wanted is popular enough that every single permutation of it that I tried was already taken. I had to stick with the old one whether I wanted to or not. Oh well. There are worse things.

The title is 'Mirth and Matter'--I've removed all mystery from it by writing it in its original context in the blog description. It's from Shakespeare's 'Much Ado About Nothing'--one of just a few handfuls of his plays that I do genuinely adore. I had all the mandatory Shakespeare indoctrination when I was in school but since I was never permitted to just sit down and enjoy the story--instead having to pick every syllable apart with tweezers to decipher dubious hidden meanings in every semicolon and comma--I found it much more a chore than enjoyable. But 'Much Ado' was wonderful and the reason I like it so much is because of Beatrice and Bennedick. (Fun fact: in Shakespeare's day, plays were often referred to by alternate titles and 'Much Ado' frequently appears under the title 'Beatrice and Bennedick'.) Let's face it, they're probably the most interesting and down-to-earth couple in Shakespeare's canon. I know all strong women are supposed to identify with Katherine from 'Taming of the Shrew', but I never really warmed to the fact that by the end of the play she was so thoroughly beaten down and defeated. Beatrice might not be quite as much of a hardass as Katherine was, but she had her very unique wit and strong personality and she stayed that way all through the play. She even has the balls to respond to the question, 'Do you love me?' with a resounding, 'No! No more than reason!'

And Bennedick takes her as she is and they live argumentatively happily ever after. And you know they spent the rest of their lives deliriously in love but constantly fighting. If either of them stopped the verbal slings and arrows (oh yes I went there) the other would probably get pretty bored pretty quickly. Bennedick says it best himself: 'Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.'

I've never been an actress before or even vaguely interested in theatre; in fact, the very thought of speaking in front of a room full of people fills me with indescribable panic that makes me have to steady myself on the furniture. But if someone came up to me and offered me the role of Beatrice I would take it unhesitatingly. I identify with her more than almost any other fictional character I have ever read--and I've read a lot. The rest of the exchange from which the title of my new blog ultimately comes sums her up better than the rest of the play. I think it sums me up, as well.

BEATRICE: I beseech your grace, pardon me; for I was born to speak all mirth, and no matter.

DON PEDRO: Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best becomes you; for truly you were born in a merry hour.

BEATRICE: No, sure, my lord. My mother cried. And then there was a star danced and under that was I born.
(...)
DON PEDRO: By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady.
LEONATO: There is little of the melancholy element in her, your grace. She is never sad but when she sleeps, and not ever sad then, for I have heard my daughter say that she hath often dreamt of sadness and waked herself with laughter!

Obviously nothing good comes of identifying too closely with fictional characters but over the years I've come to see this as my own synopsis as well as Beatrice's.

So, here I am--born to speak all mirth and no matter and a keyboard at my fingertips and a great deal of words just dying to burst out.