At the risk of revealing my age, I lived through the 80s and 90s with all of their appallingly-acted and ultimately completely misguided Public Safety Ads and programs oriented towards children to teach them how to stay safe from the evils of the world, like drugs and pedophiles and mysterious grownups who wanted to kidnap us for no reason. Oh, and against evil people who poisoned Halloween candy just to kill kids.
Here's the thing though: those programs didn't work. They actually did the opposite of work. The D.A.R.E (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) program was discontinued some years ago and subsequent follow-up studies on children who went through the program--as well as those who didn't--revealed that not only were graduates of the program not any less likely to end up involved in drugs but that sometimes they were actually MORE likely to do them. D.A.R.E portrayed drugs as something the 'cool' kids did--I remember that pretty clearly, that the basic message was 'SAY NO TO DRUGS, even though you're totally gonna have to go against all the most popular people in school and will grow up socially isolated and treated like a leper BUT DON'T TAKE THE JOINT, KIDS!'
Aside from drugs--which have been done to death in every quarter--the other big issue we kids had to be schooled on avoiding over and over again was 'Stranger Danger'. And that's the one I want to talk about.
While reading a fashion-related Tumblr, I came across this video which appears to be from the very late 80s or very early 90s. It teaches children 'street smarts' on how to avoid dangerous grownups by avoiding people with candy or guys asking for help finding a puppy that doesn't exist. Obviously there's some merit to teaching kids to be wary of people they don't know offering treats--children have no real critical thinking skills and their trust can easily be earned with food much like a dog--but in every other way this video FAILS completely. So does every single aspect of the 'Stranger Danger' belief. While it's true that there are people who want to do horrible things to children, that child-molesters exist and children are occasionally taken, nothing ever discussed in lectures on avoiding strangers addressed the real danger. This video is no different.
The bottom line is, none of the scenarios in this video are likely to happen. It teaches children to be afraid of people for no legitimate reason, as well as teaching them absolutely NOTHING about the people who ARE a danger to them.
The majority of abductions are familial abductions--one parent taking the child or children from the other in a custody dispute, or some other family member deciding for one reason or another that they can do a better job raising the kid and spiriting them away. And most of these abductions are resolved within a few hours or a few days. While it isn't completely unknown for strangers to kidnap children, it's extremely unlikely. Statistically speaking a child is much, much more likely to be abducted by someone they know. What's more, if someone is truly and genuinely intent on snatching a child at random for nefarious purposes, THEY AREN'T GOING TO WASTE THEIR TIME TRYING TO LURE OR COERCE THE CHILD TO COME WITH THEM OF THEIR OWN ACCORD. People point to the Jaycee Lee Dugard kidnapping as proof that children need to be afraid of strangers, but they're forgetting that Phillip Garrido (her abductor) did not lure her into his car of her own accord by promising candy or puppies or video games. He simply drove up next to her, grabbed her, and drove off. If someone's intention is to kidnap a child, it's quicker and easier for them to do it with a simple snatch-and-grab. No amount of 'Stranger Danger' coaching in the world can prepare a child to avoid that risk. You can teach them to say no to strangers with candy all you like but in the end it isn't going to do them much good if someone is THAT determined to take them.
The unspoken goal of the 'Stranger Danger' program is to help kids keep themselves safe from people who want to molest them--again, the misguided belief being that it's creepy strangers in windowless panel vans who pick kids up off the street at random and diddle them in parking garages. Like I said, it teaches children to be afraid of the wrong people.
I don't have any exact numbers on me at the moment, but I believe something like 80% or 90% of sexual abuse and molestation is perpetrated by someone close to the victim. You need only look as far as the Roman Catholic Church's sex abuse scandal to see that--who would be more trusted, and closer to the victim, than the parish priest?
Children--especially ones taught from infancy that strangers are inherently bad--aren't completely fucking stupid. If someone they don't know approaches them and tries to get their hands on them, most kids will scream and yell and fight like a wet alley cat. If they've been taught to be afraid of strangers, they not only won't trust strangers but will actively try to fight their way away from them. And guess what? People who want to diddle kids know this and know that if they want to get a long-term victim, they must first become a trusted part of that victim's life. Family friends, neighbours, relatives, babysitters, and priests are the people who molest children. And yet until recently this wasn't talked about AT ALL--parents ingraining a paranoid fear of strangers into their children's minds were at the same time all too happy to leave their children with Uncle Rick, who touches their no-no-parts when the lights are off. Not only this, but because of the close ties families usually have to the offenders it will often be ignored or swept under the carpet. It's easier to put the blame on a faceless stranger than it is to accept that the predator is one of your own, in your midst, and was there the whole time.
Speaking personally, 'Stranger Danger' didn't help me one bit. It did more harm than good. For so long I was told over and over again that people I didn't know were dangerous. This was always the insinuation: strangers are not your friends. I don't know how normal my reaction is or if there are very many other people who ended up the same way I did, but the fear instilled in me made me TERRIFIED to talk to people I didn't know. It made me scared for my life when I was in a situation where I had to interact with people I didn't know--all without any cause at all.
I'm an adult now. An adult who should know how to approach new people. By and large my people-judging skills are very well developed and I can usually tell very quickly when someone might be trouble. For the most part I trust my own instincts, as well, but I cannot (and may never) get rid of this deep-seated fear that has basically crippled me to the point where even as an adult I am completely terrified of people I don't know--even though I'm aware they aren't going to hurt me.
By all means teach children not to take candy from strangers.
But let's not forget that abuse begins where most everything begins: in the comfort and safety of your own home.
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