My gender identity is pretty straightforward and uncomplicated. For a while it didn't look like that was going to be the case because I spent most of my teenage years railing against anything I thought of as feminine or girly. I didn't wear girl's clothes until I was sixteen or seventeen, or makeup until I was in my 20s. On the outside it looked like I might be on my way to some gender identity issues, but I didn't have the depression or hatred of my body that typically comes with GIDs. In the end I think it was mostly just me rebelling in an adolescent fashion and indulging my reflexively insubordinate nature--my mother is pretty girly-girl and I used to do a lot of things just because they were opposite of what she wanted or preferred.
Eventually I did indeed just outgrow it. I'm a girl now. I wear girl's clothes and shop for shoes and wear makeup and jewellery. Some of my traits are unmistakably feminine, others extremely masculine (I'm unusually aggressive in ways not normally associated with women). Pronoun use doesn't bother me. I am what I am and I'm cool with that.
But it seems like what I lack in any gender identity issues myself, I more than make up for in the fact that I am insatiably attracted to people who completely thrash every accepted gender-divide stereotype. Gender-bending and androgyny are unbelievably attractive to me. Everybody has that one trait that they see in someone else that just renders them completely stupid from the sudden surge of raw unadulterated lust. For me that trait is a person so successfully androgynous that I cannot on sight determine what kind of plumbing they might have.
I'm serious.
I don't even know why I have this preference at all. Possibly because it took me a very long time to accept that I was not heterosexual and an unconscious compromise I made with myself was to develop a fondness for gender-blurring. Since it's not gay if they're just incredible effeminate men, right? I'm comfortable with my pansexuality now but I still have a weakness for androgyny.
My old androgynous crush was Elly Jackson from 'La Roux'. Bonus points for being a redhead.
Then I discovered Andrej Pejic.
I think I am in love.
Andrej Pejic is a high fashion model from Bosnia who grew up in Australia. He models men's and women's fashion. He also looks like this:
That is one pretty fucking princess.
The thing with me is, I can accept someone is a pretty face and even fancy them without actually really developing a crush on them. I don't develop a crush on someone once I get a feel for what they were like and while I was just devouring pictures of Andrej, I just thought, "Well he's got a pretty face but I imagine he's a bit high-maintenance and something of a drama queen." And also I admit to prejudice. You look at him and you think, well, he's blonde--dumb blonde.
And then I started reading about him and watching interviews with him. The more I learned, the more I was impressed. I have now developed a tremendous crush on this man because he's smart enough to have applied to Harvard University and clever enough to make a comment like, "In a world suffering the biggest economic crisis since the Great Depression, me in a bra is big news!" And talk in interviews about 'tucking'.
He is just really fucking pretty and really fucking cool.
I am in love.
No comments:
Post a Comment