Mismatched

I do something a bit weird.

I used to draw, a lot. I also make jewellery. Whenever I make an art project I have to do the same thing: I have to make it symmetrical. Like, I am obsessive. It drives me nuts when the halves don't match. And I've always done this. It has never not bothered me. The level on which it causes me anxiety when I can't make both sides the same is completely disproportionate. I wasn't one of those kids who had to have a symmetrical dinner plate but I have to, have to, have to make everything match.

But at the same time, asymmetry is my 'thing'. When I create things they have to be symmetrical, but where I myself am concerned I love it when the two sides don't match.

My two halves were never going to match anyway. I have a birthmark on my right shoulder. It shows fairly prominently. It also looks like a hickey.

I think I used to obsessively make myself symmetrical as well. But at some point I stopped trying and have since embraced mismatched halves. I used to wear mismatched shoes in high school on purpose. This is a list of all the ways in which I currently apply asymmetry to myself:

-My earrings. I have five earrings on each side--enough to wear two and a half pair of earrings in each ear. Out of necessity my earrings stopped matching on each side after I had three earrings. I briefly had six but got a staph infection and the last ones had to close. But because I have to wear so many earrings at once (ten in all), I stopped caring whether or not they were the same on both sides. On one side I have five graduated silver rings. On the other I have two stars, one moon, a plain silver bauble, and leave the bottom one open for whatever I feel like. I only ever wear one 'statement' earring at a time, in that ear. I make it big on purpose so it stands out and is immediately apparent that I'm wearing it, and that there is only one.

-My tattoo. My tattoo is monochromatic and at a glance looks unremarkable--a set of small purple wings. But one is a faerie wing and the other is a dragon wing. The style is similar but once you realize they don't match, you will always notice they don't match. All of my planned tattoos are similarly mismatched. A peacock and phoenix, a dove a hawk.

-My nails tend not to match when I paint them. This is common now but it used to stand out. I would do one hand one colour and get bored and do another for the other hand.

-My socks are usually mismatched. Mostly because I can't be fucked to match them when I wash them.

I also have every intention of getting my lip pierced, but only on the right side. Like half a snakebite piercing. I might get a nipple ring. But only the left.

I don't know why I do this. I just really love it when my halves don't match.

I guess I'm just embracing a fact of imperfection. I am never going to match on both sides. I might as well really not match.