I hate the fucking duckface.
I found my young teenage cousin's Facebook page completely by accident the other day. I wasn't looking for it because I make a strict policy AGAINST adding family members on Facebook. (I don't like dealing with them in the real world, I don't want to deal with their nonstop streams of status updates. Especially considering my family members are the kinds of people who overshare in real life--I don't even want to THINK about the level of personal detail that ends up on their freaking Facebook walls.) Now, I am the oldest cousin on every branch of my family by a considerable margin so with just one exception (my cousin David who lives in the Midwest and is only four years younger than I am) I have very clear memories of all of my cousins as babies. I understand they're growing up and they aren't going to be babies any longer--after all, I demand that recognition from the adults around me so that would make me a complete fucking hypocrite--but it's very jarring to see duckface bikini photos of someone you used to read bedtime stories to on their Snow White sheets.
Look, the duckface looks shitty on everyone. I get it, you want to look like Angelina Jolie and her sausage lips. You want to look like you have that fabulous chiselled jaw. You want to look like you have cheekbones you could put books on. You want a pout that will fucking stop TRAFFIC.
But face it, girls. You don't look like Angelina and you need only look as far as the tragic victims of collagen injections to see what happens when you go too far extreme in trying to become something you quite patently are not. You want pouty lips because pouty lips are sexy. But you aren't built for pouty lips. Not everyone is. I'm not. I've been modelling off and on since high school and I am quite proud to say I have never once appeared on camera with a duckface. I don't have very big lips. My mouth is not full. I'm pretty average in the lip department. I didn't have discernible cheekbones until the last year when I lost forty pounds through a combination of leaving my mom's house and not eating regular meals because I'm skint ass broke.
You wanna look nice in your Facebook photo?
Do what I do.
Make the best of what you have.
I don't have cheekbones. I don't have nice legs. I have a belly pudge that allows me to comfortably pass for being pregnant if I'm feeling lazy and want to take advantage of the not-legally-enforceable 'Stork Parking' spaces outside certain businesses. I do not have a Tyra Banks jawline or Katy Perry's cheekbones. Kiera Knightly and Angelina's luscious pouts are as unattainable to me as are their skinny thighs and their heights.
But I look damn good in photos.
Because, dammit, I make the best of what I have.
Instead of trying to make my lips look like sausages, I just make my eyes go big. I have fairly large eyes and they're a striking colour. And I have long eyelashes as well. Add that together and this:
Is what you can make of what you've got.
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