All right, people, you know what we seriously need to start doing now?
We need to stop paying attention to our current crop of television attention whores.
Admittedly I don't know what the situation is overseas or even in Canada because I follow their 'reality' television programs even less than American ones and there is no circumstance, including gunpoint, under which I could be persuaded to give a fuck about American reality shows. (Also, I seriously fucking hate 'reality' shows. They're not reality. They're completely motherfucking insane. The only reason people keep making them is because they save a massive amount of money not having to hire screenwriters and rent rehearsal space.) So, yeah, we just need to stop paying attention to these lunatics so they'll go away and allow the nation's collective IQ to recover from the total culturally pervasive infusion of stupid that's been going on for the last ten or fifteen years. Can we do that? Please?
People complain about 'Jersey Shore's' Snooki or whatever the fuck she calls herself. By the way, Snooki? If your nickname is something most people would probably bestow upon a very stupid fluffy purse-dog? That is a nickname that has been given to you with pure malicious intent. You know what my nickname was in my parent's house? 'Schmoopie'. I'm probably unusually lucky in my ability to recognize this name as an unflattering and stupid nickname that would be better suited to a really dumb dog--in large part because it also happens to be what my mom calls her dog. I lived in the same house as that dog for ten fucking years and she called us the same thing. Of course my mom also couldn't reliably remember what my name actually was and she would often have to cycle through every female name in her mental hard drive--her sisters, her nieces, the dog, her co-workers--until she finally called out the right one. This could take some time. As far as I know she's still standing at the bottom of the stairs to this day calling out names in hopes of remembering what mine is. Bonus fucked up points: my mother only has one daughter and it's me.
Anyway. Snooki is an attention whore. So is Paris Hilton. So is pretty much everyone who got that first snort of the narcotic substance that is national notoriety. And now that they've had that first hit, my god, they're addicted as fuck and never going to stop until they finally snort themselves to death. I am seriously waiting anxiously for when the day finally comes that a 'reality star' actually manages to fucking die while the cameras are rolling. It's only a matter of time. Even I would watch that fucking show.
But seriously. They only do it because we give them attention and they just want the attention--regardless whether it's good or bad or ugly. You think those vapid dipfucks care that the only reason people watch them is because they're laughing and waiting to see what madness happens next? Of fucking course not! And why should they? They're laughing all the way to the bank as their shows get renewed year after year and spinoffs are spawned and book deals and product endorsements follow and....
It just needs to stop.
You know whose example we need to follow here?
Nadia Suleman.
Remember her? Octopussy? The dumbshit who had octouplets a few years ago to add to her pre-existing brood of sextuplets, giving her fourteen children and no income and nowhere to live?
Yeah. That nut.
Know what she's doing now?
Me neither! Because after it became clear that she had this massive brood as some kind of fucking career move with the expectation of getting donations and paid interviews and her own TV show and all this shit that we as a culture are apt to give to the attention whores who manage to stand out in a nation of attention whores, we stopped giving a fuck. We stopped paying attention to her.
And now she's up shit creek without a paddle and last I heard she was recording 'adult baby' porn to pay the bills. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with fetish vids or any aspect of the well-regulated and legal parts of the adult industry (the shit where it's all safe and no one is being pimped out), just that you just know this was not what Octopussy had in mind when she crapped all those brats out at once.
When Nadia was at the height of her 'fame' three years ago, I remember wishing earnestly for the worst possible thing I could think of to happen to her: that eventually she would fade into obscurity and nobody would remember who she was or what she did or give half a rat's testicle about her. I cannot put into words just how much joy fills my cold, shrivelled little reptilian heart that this came true. Her plan didn't work, and now she can't attention whore for money. The only people I feel sorry for are her kids.
Why can we not learn from this? Seriously. If we all just stop giving a fuck they will go away. Once 'reality' TV stops being popular and 'Attention Whoring' is no longer a legitimate vocation, nobody will want to make a show and even if they did no one would want to be on it.
Come on, please? Pretty please?
Just... stop feeding them. They'll only just keep coming back.
No comments:
Post a Comment